Psychology is so often reduced to a set of behaviors and conditioning. It is easy to forget that even the term Psychology comes from the Greek meaning, study of the soul. As a Therapist the challenge of finding balance between a given set of circumstances and the true wellbeing of an individual is always at steak. It is easy to put the problem at the forefront and to offer fixes. “So you’re unhappy? Change your circumstance and your feelings will follow…” The circumstance is always present and if we are talking about simply retraining responses to a set of stimuli then of course there will be a pragmatic element. That’s a given. In regards to true Soul Care we are often left speechless. This goes far beyond the realm of normal cognitive restructuring. We are asking a question central to each and every person and in my opinion this is why it is one that often discourages the care giver from truly diving into this area of Counseling. It is no secret that many of us stumble into the career of Counseling because we have sorted backgrounds that set the stage for us to care for others in similar positions. We can relate and in some unhealthy cases you will find counselors that will sort out their own issues in front of their clients. This tells us that the challenge of soul care is an issue because we as therapists often don’t know how to care for our own souls. It is easy to become hardened and jaded in this line of work. You will sit for hours a day listening to the struggles of others, pouring your thoughts, reflections, and even your heart into sessions. It is an amazing profession, but one that can quickly take its toll on the heart of the counselor. The idea of giving steps and quick solutions for behavior becomes a way of containing the magnanimity of what we see each day. If there is a problem that we can reduce to steps it feels manageable and manageable seems like a great option. By all means we want to help our clients manage their lives and situations this almost goes unsaid, but is that all? The art of counseling is about so much more than that. The art of true soul care must be developed in the heart of the caregiver first before it can be offered to those around them. This is something, for the caregiver that cannot be developed in the counseling room with a client. It is a grace that one learns to offer one’s self over time. With so many sorted backgrounds in our profession we are often the first to miss our own advice. I say this not as condemnation but maybe even as an admission of my own guilt in the matter. I find myself so often pushing to find answers, solutions for the things that torcher my soul at its depths but that is often where the journey ends. I busy myself with paperwork, responsibilities, goals etc… It is hard to stop my own distraction. I have truly learned the art of avoidance, avoidance of the voice of the soul.
In many ways we are all there. The journey is one that started at birth and will continue til death. Shakespeare said it this way, “to thine own self be true”. The verbage suggests a continual process. “Be” true. The journey of soul care begins with learning to be. There are times that I find myself an infant in this art. My desire as a counselor is growing to be one that looks more like a co-journeyer on the path to soul care. It offers hope not just to the immediate situation but also for situations to come. In the coming months I will continue this conversation and would as always love your thoughts and feedback.
jason
It's brave to admit that. Not everyone can realize when they're wrong. It takes a lot of courage. Proud of that.
ReplyDeleteThe patient pours his darkest secrets and fears in the presence of his therapist in hope of finding answers to endless problems; at the same time, wondering whether or not his therapist truly cares. This is when the patient often forgets that his therapist is also made of flesh and bones, and that he, too, needs frequent shots of sugar-free Redbull.
ReplyDeleteCounsellors go out of their way to put the word "care" in "caregiving" to good use, when they are, oftentimes, in urgent need of care themselves.
I ask, does a fine line exist between care and duty in therapy?
The reality is that we are all in need of care. That's a good point. I am by my own admission a counselor who succumbs to the seductive pull of sugar free redbull...lol I think that a lot of people have an idea of therapists as just listeners. The reality is that there is so much more to it. My role in the University consists of everything from departmental budgeting, committee meetings, to crisis management just to name a couple. I think there is definitely a fine line. That's a great observation. Many of us in the field of counseling came into it through our own struggles. I had never even considered it until it just fell into my lap. Don't get me wrong, I can't imagine doing anything else. It's amazing! I think the fine line comes in the area of self care. I have a pretty hectic schedule and honestly thrive on it, but sometimes I get so wrapped up in running that I can miss out on the simple joys. When I lived in Florida, i would take a day a week off. I would take my boat to the coast and would just enjoy the water. I loved it! Now that my schedule is running at about fifty hours a week I take the weekends and rest. Fishing, travel, writing, adventure all are ways that I care for my own heart. I don't do it perfectly but I think that balance is an art not necessarily a science..lol We are all aspiring artists at different points along the spectrum.
DeleteIt is important to note that it is quite terrifying to think of your therapist's disregard for your issues. What happens when you are convinced that the only person who really gives an old boot is yourself? You attend therapy sessions for the purpose of mending your broken soul, just as you visit the orthopedist for a fractured finger. Then you think, "Now what?"
ReplyDeletePrince Hamlet's soliloquy comes to mind. One must choose between fighting the Titans of one's mind, or give up on the battle all together, and end one's life.
"To be, or not to be, that is the question-
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die, to sleep-
No more; and by a sleep, to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to? 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep,
To sleep, perchance to dream; aye, there's thw rub,
For on that sleep of death, what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life:
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The inslolence of office, amd the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
No traveler returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of.
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er, with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment,
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action. Soft you now,
The fair Ophelia? Nymphs, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remembered."
I believe at the root of every disorder there is fear and isolation. We all experience these feelings and when people attend therapy they come fully prepared for judgement and rejection along with a faint hope that this therapy thing just my work. One of the reasons that I do therapy is simply because I love that moment when a client has that epiphany, "hey, wait a second, I'm not as messed up as I thought". I love love love that moment. The beautiful thing is that we are all a bit of a mess. We just don't know that everyone else is. One of the most common things that I see is that people think that their issue is somehow ten times worse than anyone else. They see themselves as broken and in need of repair. I am a firm believer that cars need repair, things need repair, but people need love and the space to experience and synthesize the notion that maybe they truly are likeable, and eventually to even believe they are lovable. There is a deep misconception that if we are truly honest with who we are that we will be discarded and left untouched. Whereas in reality we are all aching to know and be known for who we are. The fear is in the sensitivity and risk. If I put everything on the table, I've invested heavily in a risk. If I don't receive a favorable response then I am left with nothing to offer and even worse I have made myself vulnerable for judgement. Judgement only has power if I give the other person the authority to define me. The fight of facing our own struggles can be terrifying but to avoid them is truly the beginning of sadness and despair. This is what makes my job so wonderful. I get to sit with people as they take the first steps back into the world. I feel so honored, so humbled at times to see the risk that others take. It is encouraging to see this and to play just a small part is far more reward than anything I could ever imagine.
DeleteIt is quite commonly known that man was created "messed up", and he will continue living his life trying to sort out, and make sense of the mess that he is created with and for. I think the problem lies in trying to figure out how we fit in a messy world where everyone else thinks that they've got their own mess figured out and dealt with. It is very frightening to think of our isolation in a world that is pushing for notoriety, and it is even more frightening to think that there is no place in this world for benevolence. It is for this reason that the mess will remain, and we will stand there scratching our heads trying to find a way to make it, and survive through it.
DeleteI strongly believe that man was created good, but relatively disturbed, and that it takes great toil and sweat for him to come to terms with, or even understand his good nature, however slightly. This is why people tend to suppress their good nature, and this is when we allow fear to arise. Then, man starts to convince himself that there is no mending his broken soul.
Silence, meditation, and humble prayer will allow all good to surface. That is when man will have the strength to bury his fears, knowing that he will be able to cope when they surface again.
Silence, silence, silence is the key.
I wish I can practice what I preach, though. But hey, who does?